I always remember when I was in marital home and my husband was being really rotten to me my daughter about 15 at the time said “mum you had better leave”

I never forget that ….

They say children are influenced by parents . I think my children took on his disregard for me …

I’m not as strong as them, I’ve been trampled on

It’s such a shame

I was a quiet girl . Wouldn’t hurt a soul

And goodness knows what I got involved with

It could of and should of been so different

I used to be

A pretty quiet little girl

Never said boo to a goose

Then in my naivety

Fragility

Was let lose on the World

And what a World it has been

I would never dream

All the adversity and manipulation

Now I’m in this awful situation

I can’t see

Alone

They have shouted and gone

My family

Whilst i sit here

In fear with tears

And glaucoma eating my eyes

What a terrible demise!

Its tragic

What happened to the magic

I once had

With life when I was glad

So help me God to find a way

To stay

With a semblance of a life

Amid this strife

Please kind sensible people find your way

To make my day

More bearable

Enjoyable

Or Switzerland I must go

To end it all I know

What point is there to this

With no one near to kiss

Or children giving hugs

Share tea in pretty mugs

Walk along the beach

Sunday roast round a table together

With funny jokes and laughs forever

I must find a new pace

Before it is too late …

Alone I sit hear

And shred another tear

Switzerland is calling

As the day is dawning …

Help

People change when they are not well or going through trauma

It is at this time that they need the support of their family and friends

Sometimes because of their behaviour these people walk away and neglect them

They really need people at this time

People wonder why people commit suicide and it because they have been neglected by the ones who should be there for them

Think about it

Think about your behaviour and your reactions to things

Think about your humble being and think about how conceited you are

And how important you are to yourself and how selfish you are

People who are going through trauma and change need support and kindness

My Life

Pushed and pulled in all directions 

Mainly thought as good intentions 

From a cosy home in Hockley I do recall

I moved with friends to a tower tall

In Bow i did abide 

And then with my husband at my side 

We moved to a maisonette in New Barnet town

It was great I never did frown

Close to work for me and him

Our family life did begin 

Married then 

And not just maybe 

I was expecting a little baby 

With flight I wanted to be near 

My mum and dad so very dear

So upheaval to Hockley again

Several houses we did abide 

Nearer town centre was just fine

The journey was long by train

For my husbands work schedule you see 

No free time for him or me

Three young children to be fed and watered 

Two sons and a daughter 

His hours were long 

And I did struggle 

We got ourselves in an awful muddle 

I wanted a job it was not easy 

He shouted a lot 

And made me queasy 

Scared and out of sorts 

He could not abide 

No job I had at his side 

He smoked some skunk I think

It made him think

Like a mad crazy man

So it was alarming 

To me and my children

It was quite harming 

I never wanted to be divorced 

I had loved him dearly 

I do of course 

But he denegrated me with words no hits 

And I felt awful

All in bits 

No confidence couid I withhold 

So he had to be told 

I’m leaving I said to him

And off to Southend on sea 

I did flea 

A silly mistake it had to be 

I should have stayed in hockley 

Where safest would have been

For me and my children
My dad suggested sell and go

And so all the trauma I did bestow

A job for the government I did get 

And a house 

I will never forget 

My daughter fled to the Midlands 

And boys studied hard 

For their degrees 

They all did well

Despite it all

They are great children

I felt so guilty

I should not have left my Hockley home 

It should be known

My dads wrong choice 

But that is it 

I then worked at the college 

With some diversions 

Art, College for the blind, counselling 

What aversions 

Glaucoma causing so much stress 

And duress 

So off to Shrewsbury I did go

To be near Chrissy and Mike 

It seemed to flow 

To be just right 

I felt happy and content 

This was obviously meant 

To be!

The first night I lay in that bed 

And felt happiness in my head 

Near my lovely daughter true 

It seemed a cue 

To be happy 

Made lots of friends and did this and that 

But my eyes got worse and

That is that 

It caused me much distress 

And on my own

I panick a lot and groan

I rush to my brother 

Hockley solace 

Fight or flight 

I take my pace 

I’ve driven Chrissy round the bend

As by myself I try to defend 

My sight loss is driving me crazy

With vision loss 

It is all too hazy

A pandemic we then endure 

Alone at home 

It is no cure 

Isolation feels just awful

We had to be so careful

Shrewsbury was a beautiful place 

But it all went pear shaped 

What a disgrace 

So I took flight to Southend 

I wish I had not it’s true 

Flight again 

I mistrue 

As Chrissy left to go to Brum

For some peace away from her husband and her mum

I miss her dearly and my sons 

It is not what I had planned 

When my life had begun 

I’m sorry children for my wrong choices 

So different it could have been

It’s been some awful dream

If I could turn the clock back and start again 

Things done different 

If somewhat mundane 

Please forgive me for my errors in life 

It’s been a lot of strife 

Please God take me to that place 

A haven of Solace 

To spend my last days in peace 

And content 

To enjoy the simple things in life 

Walks, tea, friends, holidays 

No strife 

I done too much 

I know I tried 

And many days 

I’ve simply cried 

For stupid things that I have done

I want just fun

I am an idiot I know it’s true 

But my family I do love you 

Chrissy Nick and Rob

Your dad tried 

But his words and action made me cry

And quiver

I was just a quiet girl

Could not cope with all this whirl

Love and peace is all

I give 

Pushed and pulled in all directions 

Mainly thought as good intentions

Realisation

That no one wants to know you when you are truly struggling as I am now in a grey mist of sight loss

Life is a game of survival of the fittest isn’t it ….

How sad it is

And cruel

It is

That the people who you love …. Well …

Sleep

I hope I sleep

Forever ….

Amen

What happened

I’m sitting here with Katy cat on my lap

I’ve made a big mishap

Of it all

I think

A great big stink

The glaucoma in my my eyes

Is my demise

I can barely see

It’s just misty

And no one wants a blind person

Whose eyes atrophy

Well not my family

Anyway ….

Life is a game

It’s not the same

Survival of the fittest

If you don’t fit the bill

Nor have the will

Then you are left alone

And if you moan and groan

It’s no good

I feel unwell

But no one can tell

They shout and holler

At me

Whilst I’m finding it hard

To get by

On my own

The fog is bigger

And I’m struggling

But it’s a game of survival of the fittest

Unless I drop to the floor

They can’t see me no more

It’s what it is

No one can believe I am in a struggle

And muddle

Til I drop to the floor

And am of this earth no more

Amen

Horoscope for Taurus

We don’t need to be perfect in order to feel good. Nor do we need to live perfect lives. Unhappiness doesn’t grow from the absence of personal perfection. Nor is it the by-product of less-than-ideal situations. It’s the upshot of believing that things ‘should’ be better than they are. High expectations, based on superficial comparisons, result in pain. Conversely, high levels of acceptance, based on tolerance, lead to joyfulness. This week, the Full Moon encourages you to appreciate and celebrate what you have.

Peace

To find that peaceful haven
Up on a hill
Where the air is clear
And very still
Solace embrace
Kindness warmth and love
Empathy from the heart
Shine under the stars above

Hope

Hope is happiness wrapped up In a scarf
Once the sun shines you can take off that scarf
The warmth of the sun is your hope
How amazing is our planet
The life that has evolved on it
And how crazy is man
Who strives to improve
But often ruins it

Peaceful feeling

I remember when my daughter was born and fast asleep with this tiny baby by my side I felt safe warm and at peace . It was a lovely feeling

I had the same feeling on the first day I moved to Shrewsbury in Shropshire to a bungalow near her and her husband knowing she was nearby

I thought this is it – I will stay here for the rest of my days

But oh dear

I remember her saying she would stay in her new house for ever ….

But oh dear

Her silly husband kept saying they were moving to the countryside or he was getting a job abroad

But oh dear

He obviously didn’t like me very much !

I had moved up to be near them

What a compliment

But oh dear

Had fun with Polly and Betsie , shire choir, Oxon church, Jeanette, Tanya, Jenny, drumming, Kathy , guide dogs ….

But oh dear

Panick set in

Here i am in Southend again

The grass is (not) greener

Oh dear me

Where to next