if only……

When I lived in Hockley I took my children to a Toddler group in the fire station with Pat. She arranged to have photographer and this is one had taken of my me and Ex husband and family. We were married for 18 years but unfortunately our marriage broke down. He was angry and shouted and bullied me and even more so as I didn’t have a job. It was difficult to work when you had three children and he wasn’t there enough to look after the children or find child care. I did get a job with local Government and promoted too to an Assistant Compliance Officer. A lot of mums were in the same boat as me where I lived with angry husbands who wanted them to work . I ended up divorcing him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and mental cruelty and moving away . When we went shopping he would through the things i put in the trolly on the floor, he called me ugly, fat, useless as a mother and a lover and any insult he could he threw at me at this time. We did try and reconcile but it was probably was too late after all that insult!!!! I met someone else and that didn’t work out in the end. I studied art to take my mind off things and thought to be an art teacher but then glaucoma took over, not much luck. Done lots of voluntary work since. Now I’m in Shrewsbury near my daughter which was a big upheaval to different area leaving my life and my friends and my brother in Essex. glaucoma has got a lot worse than when I first got here which is awful shame and I feel very lonely and isolated in new area It’s nice to be near daughter but it’s hard to settle in unfamiliar ground with sight loss and she has her own life to lead . I’m exhausted with it all at 62 all the changes, sight problems and moves and just want to have a pleasant retirement with nice husband even and not be floundering around in a mist on my own … it seems so unfair …. but I WILL get through this pandemic and all! my sight continues to fade to mist, there seems no-one to turn to or understand and i have never felt so alone in all my life as at this time.. i want to move back to the sea, as feel a nuiscance to my daughter and her husband… what a life, if only i did not have this awful glaucoma…. what luck, my dad said i was unlucky….. he perhaps is right unless a miracle happens somewhere here soon…..

Author: Rosy

I became interested in poetry about a year ago and try to write about things from my heart that are associated with events in my life or events going on in the World at large or closer to home. I am a visual artist and still am to a certain extent having exhibited some of my work as a visually impaired artist using sponges to paint. I have lost most of my eyesight in recent years to advanced glaucoma and my vision is now very limited I am finding my creativity now evolving in writing poetry and hope to publish my own book of verse in the future. I have a blog page on Wordpress where I share my poetry, art, photography, thoughts and favourite quotes and prayers at https://rosypoems.com

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