I hope everyone is ok? Seasons greetings! Christmas hype is busy for some, sad for others. This ritual of excitement, presents, lights, food to brighten the winter months leading up to the 25th Dec when Jesuses birth is celebrated . I have loved all this with great joy as a child with my family my lovely mum and dad aunties cousins etc and with my children . This year I feel very saddened at recent circumstances and quite honestly overwhelmed and isolated and just want to cry buckets. I’ve made a complete mess of my life, been pushed and pulled in all directions by those I love and loved and made wrong decisions and bad moves affecting them. I have this awful glaucoma in my eyes now which is driving me bonkers as can’t see a flipping thing and feel weary. Dear God give me some peace and solace and keep my children safe and healthy is all I ask as I place this rant on Facebook a social media platform . I forgive those that have said nasty things to me and treated me badly with their bullying and harsh words in the past . And give me the strength to carry on . Fight flight or freeze… I have taken flight so many times, keep moving … I long for consistency stability and love and kindness and company
God bless everyone, may people see the importance of their loved ones without bullying and nastiness through their own frustrations and weaknesses .
There are so many divorced women and men I have met, women being bullied by their husbands and leaving, or they are having affairs with other women ….and so on….
and the World full of war still . It’s crazy .
Humans need to “grow up” be less greedy and selfish and think of the planet and people in it
I wish I could turn the clock back, I can’t
When my husband and I lived in Barnet and i had a job i walked to work I should have kept my job and had child minder for my baby daughter . He would not have had to commute to London from Hockley where we moved to be near my family and got stressed and angry and smoked that awful pot which made him crazy and mad and scared me and my children off .
When he did. I should have stayed in my marital home for my children’s stability at school and myself too in familiar ground
Not moved to Southend in some stupid little flat…then house in Colchester road
And then… I moved up to Shrewsbury to be near my daughter and I thought this is it … I felt safer and warm to be near her and her husband . But she pushed me away… my eyesight was getting worse . It’s scarey… the demise of their marriage manifested in the way they dealt with me , it was not comfortable. Shrewsbury is a lovely place much nicer than Southend on sea but I panicked and got manipulated by my brother to come back here . I hate it and my eyesights worse … I want to go back to Shrewsbury …
When I first was there I was happy my eyes were not too bad and I had my hair done by Sarah
Joined Shire choir. Oxon church drumming met Mark a lovely man in wales
Tanya my lovely PA. Would have lunch with Chrissy and Mike, walks etc. Polly and Betsie their dog were great friends …
So now… I sit here in Southchurch my latest flight path , alone , with Katy cat on my lap and Polly guide dog , half blind and alone ….
How strong do you have to be ….
I must move on and find some company and love and kindness to end my days in peace
I will ……I must not be that plank that people walk all over …even if I can’t see…
I apologise to all concerned if i have done the wrong thing
Happy Flipping Christmas 🎄 🧑🎄